I think it’s fair to say that most people are committing themselves to specific New Year’s resolutions as we prepare to ring in 2023. But I would like to propose that New Year’s resolutions don’t work because they actually undermine our success and productivity in most cases.
Here are five reasons New Year’ resolutions don’t work and why they’re worth avoiding altogether.
1. New Year’s Resolutions only lock in the behavior we want to avoid.
Most New Year’s resolutions are borne out of 11 months of beating ourselves up. We might think guilt and condemnation are good motivators, but they actually serve to cement the very habits we are trying to escape. They create an internal law or edict telling us we should do a certain thing or refrain from a certain thing. Most New Year’s resolutions don’t work because our enactment of a “law” literally triggers in us the opposite response – the very behavior of which we are most ashamed.
What we often fail to realize is that not beating ourselves up is one of the primary steps towards the progress we’re after. To reach that place of no longer beating ourselves up, sometimes we have to blow through January 1, focusing instead on identifying and rectifying our negative self-talk and the triggers that cause the bad habit.
2. Most New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work Because We Make Them Before We’re Ready
It’s an unfortunate reality, but any true and lasting change starts internally. It’s not forced by an intellectual choice. It’s initiated by an internal softening that sparks a change of heart, which eventually manifests itself in changed behavior.
I bit my nails terribly well into adulthood. As a miserable child and young person, it was many years before I realized I needed to just stop resolving every year to stop biting my nails. I had to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do about it because the gnawing internal fear was so all consuming that it necessarily manifested in my gnawing at my fingertips until they bled.
It was horrible! But nothing I tried could make me stop. Something had to change on the inside. So I just had to do the internal work, allowing myself the space, grace, and time to heal and grow, instead of trying so hard to reach my destination before the process was complete. It’s a frustrating reality. But most New Year’s resolutions won’t work because we’re simply not ready to make the necessary adjustment.
3. People Mistake the Excitement of the New Year for the Discipline They’ll Need When the Fireworks Fizzle
Most of the time, when we make New Years resolutions, it’s because we quietly think there’s some magic about the New Year that will make up for our lack of commitment and discipline. There I said it. But isn’t it true? Gym owners know that a fraction of the new members who sign up on January 1 will still be showing up on March 1 (ok, February 1).
One of my closest friends fell prey to this many years ago. There was nothing I could do to convince her that, she would not go to the gym simply because she had spent the money on a new membership. So she made her donation to the gym and admitted with dismay months later that she had surprised herself.
I’m not criticizing, people….!. As the year draws to a close, we reflect on our lives and naturally tend to make decisions and commitments for the new year, presuming we’ll have the energy and drive to follow through. We think that feeling we have at 12:00am January 1 will persist, and that life won’t come against our plan.
But there’s an insurance commercial in the U.S. with the slogan “Life Comes at You Fast,” which observes that life brings unexpected twists and turns. New Year’s resolutions often won’t work because most people err by making changes without resolving to follow through even when life punches us in the mouth.
It was Mike Tyson who said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” All I’m suggesting is that New Year’s resolutions don’t work because they are steeped in the romance of the changing calendar year (or perhaps the guilt that we’re running out of time). Under these circumstances, we generally forget to implement the ground work necessary to succeed in the new commitment.
4. We Forget that EVERY DAY is New Years Day!!
Let’s face it, New Year’s Day really is JUST another day on the calendar. It is yet another day that will never happen again in history, which makes it no more special than the rest. This is a beautiful thing, because it literally means that every single day we’re alive has the potential to be New Year’s Day when we decide to make a change for the better.
One meaning of the word “repent” is “to turn.” So it literally means we are turning away from something and towards something else. We can change directions at any time of the year. There’s no magic or secret sauce available to us on January 1 that’s not available to us the rest of the year.
For me, it just helps to always remember that, as long as there is air in my lungs, I am never too lost to turn around.
5. New Year’s Resolutions Create Unnecessary Pressure to Make Big Changes
Perhaps its human nature to want to reach our destination even though we just left home. We don’t gain weight in one day. Yet still we look for diet plans that help us lose weight yesterday. We just want to get there already.
New Year’s resolutions don’t work because they cause us to announce to ourselves and others that we will accomplish some Herculean feat that might have eluded us until now. We feel good announcing it. Just talking about it puts pressure on us while somehow building confidence that we might actually do it this time.
I have found it more helpful to commit to small changes, maintaining them consistently, and then building on them – it always works. When I’ve chosen this path, instead of beating myself up for not accomplishing all of what I’d like to see today, I find I make much more progress. Instead, of lurching back and forth on a miserable merry-go-round of healthy and unhealthy change, I have found I’m better served by building small new habits into my life which, over time, inevitably render the old, less healthy habits obsolete.
For example, I used to eat macaroni and cheese every day of my life. I’m talking about without fail. If they made it a food group, I would have been pleased. I could make it from scratch, or I could eat Food Lion’s generic mac’n’cheese from a box. It didn’t matter to me. I also never drank any water. Eventually, though, something caused me to realize that my consumption of cheese (real or fake) was complicating asthma symptoms when I exerted myself physically. I was a young adult in seemingly great shape. So my body at least appeared to be forgiving me for never hydrating or eating vegetables….. that is until I wanted to breathe sometimes.
When I did an experiment and cut all dairy products for a few weeks, I was shocked that I no longer found myself reaching for my inhaler. To be clear, I wasn’t trying to quit using my inhaler. So if you need yours, please DO NOT trash it on my account. All I know is that after that I knew change was in order. But pasta with as many different cheeses as I have hair on my head (there’s a lot) was the love of my life. (I still make the best mac’n’cheese I know, I might add.)
Did I stop eating it altogether? I think you know the answer. Not only did I not stop eating mac’n’cheese daily, I didn’t change anything about my other unhealthy daily habits either. All I required of myself was one bowl of broccoli every day. No sauce, no salt, and definitely no cheese. (sniff..)
Eventually, I started building in a glass of water here and there. Now, drinking 20 ounces of water is the first thing I do in the morning, and I do my best not to drink my calories. Also, hard as it may be to believe, I never seek out mac’n’cheese because I have found foods that nourish me, that I actually like, and make me feel good. (Basically I learned how to cook.) I used to think it wasn’t possible. But it was.
This way, life isn’t a constant race to the next cheat meal. I’m thriving and it feels good. I believe all resolutions can be good for us when handled wisely. I am just of the belief that the New Year isn’t the best time to make them. I hope this inspires us to live well not only in January, but through the rest of 2023.
Happy New Year!
